Edition 35: When It Doesn't Actually Exist

Plus: Last minute things to gift that aren't things!

Greetings, friends! And welcome to Caroline Finds It: my weekly newsletter where I reply to submissions from YOU for objects and products you need recommendations for.

For my last regular edition of the year, I want to talk about what to do when the thing you want (probably) doesn’t exist. With such an excess of media in our faces every day, it’s easy to become obsessed with a product that catches your eye — be it on TikTok, or an IG ad or whatever perfectly edited fleeting moment brought it to you. What makes it worse is that it’s easier than ever to identify things you encounter in passing, with functions like Google Lens. In my personal life, I find myself getting overwhelmed by finding the exact thing I saw somewhere — as if it’s my full-time job, and as if there is absolutely nothing else in the world that could stand in for it.

What I’m trying to say is: even so, some things just can’t be found. And sometimes a suitable replacement is equally impossible. Channel some pre-internet energy and accept that maybe won’t always be access to everything. What you can do is find a way to make your own version, or simply spend some time with your fond memories of the thing, or your fantasy of it, and then let it go. If it’s something really precious, maybe you can even come up some sort of mourning ritual for it. I did this 6 years ago when I lost my favorite scarf. I agonized over it, cried a lot, spent at least 10 hours trying to find a replacement, and ultimately, I lit a candle, wrote about it in my journal, took a deep breath, blew the candle out and moved on with my life. People do get attached to objects, and the idea of objects and it’s okay to acknowledge that while also exercising boundaries for yourself!

Michelle in Los Angeles: “I’ve seen pictures of pencils from Korea on Instagram but I can’t find any for sale! The designs I’ve seen have flowers and are very colorful—they might be vintage? I would love some for my pencil collection.”

Michelle, I’m sorry to say that I have no idea what you might be talking about and don’t know of any currently operating Korean brands what might make these, but something very pretty and specific came to mind when I read this. Have you explored vintage 70s/80s Japanese pencils, especially ones made by Tombow? Kamikokuen is a great Etsy source for rare ones, as is Brand Name Pencils, which is the largest archive of vintage pencils on the internet. BNP has several lovely floral pencils for sale at reasonable prices right now, including these:

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Maggie in West New York, NY: “I am looking for glasses that I found in Anthropologie years ago. They are a lovely whiskey-brown glass with white dots painted on. I bought these on clearance and there were only two—I wish I had tried to find more at the time. I have since broken one and now use the other as a special occasion glass and treat it very gingerly. I have seen similar styles of glasses but not in the brown color and the style is always slightly off in terms of the shape of the glass. Maybe I just have to admit that there will be no suitable replacement, cherish this one, and just move on! I would appreciate any help and can provide pics. Also, as a sidebar, do you remember when Anthro had beautiful and interesting pieces you could find in their home section? It’s a thing of the past….”

Oh, Maggie! I know this feeling and I think you’re right — it’s time to accept that you’ll never find these glasses again, love the one you have and move on. As I see it, these are your options:

1. Play food stylist and stage some photos with your last remaining glass. That way, if it does every break or get lost, you have a nice way to remember it.

2. Assuming that the glass is a standard-ish amber color, find something in a similar shape and paint them yourself! If you use white sign painters enamel in thin layers and hand wash them they’ll age nicely! At the very least, it’ll be close enough that you’ll enjoy using them every day and can retire the original to a spot on shelf where you can admire it safely.

3. Use the one that you have all the time and not just for special occasions, accepting that it might not last forever, but fully appreciating the joy that it gives you <3

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Betsy in Missoula, MT: “I have recently created a sewing studio/work space/workout room in our basement. I'm looking for a bulletin board that I can place on the wall behind my desk- an area to pin up lists, inspiration, photos, and anything else that might make me smile while I'm working. I hate the idea of buying a plain cork board, and I'd love something that looked a bit nicer and more... artsy?! I'm not super into the fabric/ribbon bulletin boards of my youth that my mom was obsessed with making. I'm thinking more minimal and neutral, but still looks nicer than a cork-board.”

Why doesn’t this exist?! It really doesn’t— trust me, I’ve spent years searching. Perhaps it’s because the overall aesthetic of a well-used bulletin board isn’t at all aligned with the design preferences of a minimalist, but I disagree! Betsy, I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to DIY this one.

My friend Archie has a print shop in my neighborhood and did a genius thing with cork. There was existing wainscoting on one side of his store, so he took a roll of thick (probably 1/2”) industrial cork and cut it exactly to the size of the interior spaces and attached it to the wall so the wainscoting perfectly frames the cork. I used this type of cork all the time in my shop and had great success with painting it, too! Just be sure to use primer. Cork is a natural material is can be really beautiful when it’s high quality and not the thin sheets they use on standard cork boards. Manton Cork is my favorite source for industrial cork sheets, which are very easy to cut with a knife and a good ruler. My opinion is that the chicest, most grown-up bulletin board option is just a smooth, clean cut piece of raw cork — no seams from tiles, no fabric covering, just cork. If you want to add some visual interest, paint the surface of it, give it a good clean trim after painting and mount it with the unpainted cork edge exposed.

If you don’t want to glue cork to your wall, how about finding a frame you love and adding cork to it? You could even go to your local framer for help with this —- having just the frame made (without glass and matting) shouldn’t be outrageously expensive.

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QUICK AND THOUGHTFUL LAST MINUTE GIFT IDEAS

For now, or for future gifting, I’ve got a list of ideas that aren’t gift cards that you can gift when you don’t have time to get something IRL (or simply forgot!):

A magazine subscription — People still love paper magazines! Get them a year of something to suit a niche interest, or something that will feel like an indulgence when it comes every month. I love Interview for this because it’s huge and ridiculous.

A book pre-order — Buy them a buzzy book that’s not out yet and print out a little picture of it and put in their card. They’ll probably forget about it by the time it comes and be utterly delighted. I’d recommend the cookbook 50 Pies, 50 States by Stacy Mei Yan Fong, which comes out in June.

A subscription to your favorite paid newsletter — Back Row by Amy Odell is my favorite! It’s well-researched journalism on what actually happens behind the scenes in the fashion industry.

A knitting/crocheting/sewing pattern - Ravelry and Etsy are FULL of amazing downloadable patterns for creative projects that would make great gifts for someone well-versed in needlecraft. My friend Leti has a great new knitting pattern for her signature bunny hat on Ravelry for only $10!

A Proxies club membership or tasting set - I will never stop plugging Proxies because they’re the best NA wine substitute out there! Have a box shipped to your favorite Sober Sally for their NYE celebration.

A museum membership - Do they have a favorite museum/botanical garden/zoo, etc? Get them an annual membership so they can go all the time!

A course on tree communication - Annie Novak is the Plant Queen of NYC! Her classes are awesome and this new one via Atlas Obscura will not disappoint!

Is there a product you’re looking for? Submit your request here. See you next week for a special edition on Italian products you probably don’t already know about! xo Caroline